China: Where Even The Jews Are Fake

In China even the Jews are fake.

Absolutely fascinating story in today’s Washington Post, entitled, Sold on a Stereotype: In China, a genre of self-help books purports to tell the secrets of making money “the Jewish way”.  Seems the Chinese think very highly of Jews, both for their perceived ability as businesspeople, and for their honesty and family values. China has some 50+ books focusing on emulating the Jewish path to success.

I remember many years ago there was a Jewish lawyer here in Seattle who would advertise in the local Korean newspaper that he was a Jewish lawyer. My Korean friends told me this was because Koreans all “knew” Jews make the best lawyers. Also reminds me of when I was at a friend’s house at about the age of 14 or so and my friend’s father pronounced that Howard Cosell (who has thought of him in the last five years?) “used to be a Jewish lawyer.” Me, the wise-ass 14 year old, asked him what the difference was between a Jewish lawyer and a non-Jewish lawyer and he unhesitatingly replied, “the Jewish lawyer is better.”

What I found funniest in the article though was that many of these books purportedly written by Jews were actually written by Chinese.  On top of that, some of these books wrongly refer to WASPS like JP Morgan and John D. Rockefeller as Jews.

A few months ago, in a post entitled, China: Where Even The “Law Firms” Are Fake, we talked about scam websites of purported China law firms that were taking foreigners’ money for things like registering trademarks in China or forming a company there and then running. That one really stunned me:

In the movie, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey) gets stabbed countless times by massive spears, knifed a few times, flipped completely over a couple times, and stepped and trampled upon. He takes all of this with amazing equanimity. But when his hair gets ruffled, he becomes furious and yells, “NOBODY MESSES WITH THE [hair] DO.”
Somebody is MESSING WITH MY DO.

Counterfeit drugs, money, cigarettes, food, shoes, music, auto parts, software, purses, even fake Playboy bunnies.  None of that shocks anymore.

But today I just learned there are those who take money to file trademarks in China and then simply run away. A new client told me he had sent about $750 to what he thought was a Shanghai law firm to have his company’s brand name registered. As soon as the first $750 had hit Shanghai, he was asked to send an additional $600 to “cover the filing fees,” which he did.

A week later the website was down and the Shanghai “firm” was gone.

Fake China law firms and now fake Jews. Whatever will China think of next?  Is this innovation?

So after reading Pillage Idiot (and getting a comment from Sivos, below), I now know three Chinese-Jewish jokes (and how many people can claim that), so here goes:

  • A Jew traveling in China goes into a diner. Having noticed Jewish symbols on his travels, he asks the proprietor, “Do you have Chinese Jews here?” The proprietor responds, in appropriately accented English, “Apple juice, tomato juice, orange juice, no Chinese Jews.”
  • So a Chinese guy and a Jewish guy were talking about their histories and their cultures. The Chinese guy says Chinese culture is more than 3,000 years old and he lists some of its achievements. The Jewish guy acknowledges China’s rich history and then says Jewish culture is more than 5,000 years. The Chinese guy then interjects: “no way, what did you eat for the first 2,000 years?”
  • A Jewish tourist was strolling through Shanghai when he spied a synagogue. He entered and, sure enough, he found a Chinese Rabbi and a Chinese congregation.  Even though he spoke no Chinese, he was touched by the service.  Afterwords, the Rabbi stood by the door greeting his congregants. When the tourist shook the Rabbi’s hand, the Rabbi asked, “You Jew?” The man answered, “Yes.” The Rabbi replied, “Funny, you don’t look Jewish!”
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